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June 15, 2007

T.O.W. It Is Important to Remember That I Am a Young, Hot Piece of Ass

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Chandler:Yep, you`ll just be the wife, the missus, the old ball and chain.
Monica: Old?
Chandler: Young, hot ball and chain.

Tomorrow** is my boyfriend`s (the GTF for those of you long-time readers who know our long sordid past) 40th birthday. And for the next month and a half, he will be an agonizing (agonizing for him, `Score!` for me) ten years older than me.

(** I will also briefly mention it is also my dad`s 59th birthday. Yes, the GTF is closer to my age than my dad`s so no `oogy` factor. It is also the day that my ex-husband is getting remarried. And just for sh*ts and giggles, it is also the birthday of dead-rapper-who-continues-to-put-out-albums Tupac Shakur.)

Yes, I do realize I just told the entire blogosphere that I am 30 and I will be 31 in late July (for those of you quick studies. And I share my birthday with Wesley Snipes, Charlie Chaplin`s daughter, and J.K. Rowling). I`m divorced and my ex is marrying what most surely is a blonde stick insect with porn star knockers. But I don`t care because I do not look 30 and. . .well, see the blog title.

But this is more for my sweetie`s benefit than mine, really. He`s been incredibly mopey about The Big 4-Oh, saying things like `I`m not a millionaire`, `I`m divorced`, `I have no children`, `I`m too attached to my Pomeranians`. . .you know, the usual list of things. And okay, when I turned 30, I was a bit of a b*tchy whiney baby. But he`s just plain pissed off. I mean, even past the point where flashing the girls at him at least gets a grin. Lately, the reaction has been more: `Oh. Those things. The useless sacks of milk meant to feed the children I don`t have.`

So I`ve had to remind him, both verbally and, um, physically, that he`s still young, successful and sexy. He has a good job, a gorgeous house, family, and friends. And he`s got Young, Hot Piece of Ass, and this should make him feel good, right? Right? Bueller? So far it`s as if that I fact am a YOHPA (my acronym) just makes him feel even older (talk about a backfire). Like he can`t keep up with me, or he`s worried that when he`s 60 and I`m 50 that I`m going to decide to become some college-boy-hungry Cougar. But I haven`t given up. No, not yet.

It`s time to bring out the heavy hitter, boys and girls, and it`s called the school girl uniform.

::wink::

Ciao.

May 22, 2007

T.O.W. Days of Skirt and Cape

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Oh, my friends, it was a pinup kind of weekend. Sort of. Well, more sort of a comic book geek fest weekend, but whatever. I was a resident hot `skirt` at Cape. Well, Bride of Cape, to be exact. I was a Cape Skirt, if you will. I believe Cape Skirt is second cousin to Booth Babe. ::GRIN::

Uh yeah, I said Bride of Cape. I`m guessing it`s God`s overly-zealous sense of humor at work, but I cannot escape the world of superheroes. A world of men intights and women in, well, not too much. ANYWAY. Each year, Zeus Comics, a high-end comic book store in a trendy area of BIg D (known for its adjacent booming and rather enjoyable `gayborhood`), holds a comics and fine arts festival that coincides with National Free Comic Book Day. So we`re not just talking a bunch of guys who would trade their X-Men action figures to get under Peter Parker's spidey suit (yes, I too am a resident of Geekland). No, this is more an exhibit for up-and-coming (and some already rather big-time) comic book artists to showcase their talents, sell orginal pieces, and meet their fans. Sure, there are all the guys getting their rocks hard over the free comic books, the bins of back issues, the action figures and posters and t-shirts.

But why I (and the GTF) went for a second year in a row (and this was a couple weeks ago) was to see the artists at work. Nevermind that one of them is becoming rather famous for his retro and tiki pinup work and another couple draw and write funny online strips we both read daily (PVP and Sheldon by Dave Kellett) Anyhow, the talent in so many of these artists are amazing, and they and they more than gracious to the fans who will no doubt eventually shoot them into the bright light of comic book fame one day.

This year we came armed with blank, leather-bound sketch books, in serach of the greatest treasure Cape can offer, IMHO. Personally-commissioned, one-of-a-kind works of art. I came prepared, with a wickedly awesome picture of taken last Halloween as a "Naughty Fairy" and my wienie dog Sadie strapped to my chest. I couldn`t wait for the likes of Andy Lee and Cal Slayton to capture my naughty fairy hotness (hee hee) and and artists such as to do their rendering of what I must admit is a funny-looking little dog.

Call me a dork, fine. Whatever. But I`m posting the result below, which I must say are something rather to be proud of. I`m thinking of commissioning Cal Slayton to do a full-on, full-size pinup rendition once I can send him a good shot. SCORE.

First, here`s a snip of the photo I used.

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I'll tell you this rght off, kinda funny. The first I took it to was Dave Crosland (he designed the album cover for Gym Class Heroes). First up, Dave, who insisted I only brought my `hot` photo to get all the comic book geeks worked up and if I was gonna go that far, why didn`t I enter the costume contest? I told him since there was no way I could compete with Wonder-My-Star-Spangled-Ass-Is-Hanging-Out-Woman, that I shouldn`t bother. After I finished blushing ten shades of red, I watched him go to work...

Anyhoo-- this is what he did with my photo:

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Next has to be one of my new favorite artists. Cal Slayton draws pinups in a mod, Tiki-Polynesian style that the GTF and I both love. I`m thinking of commissioning him to do a more life-like portrait of me, but for Cape he rendered this cartoon depiction of my photo (in which I rather resemble a sexy Morticia Adams or Bride of Frankenstein). Lovin` it!

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From there, I decided to let a couple artists take a whack at drawing the wiener --- dog that is. Dave Kellett was the first to take on the challenge, not that he would have any trouble. His Sheldon online comic features terrific comic depictions of animals. He focused on her big brown eyes and love of chasing bunnies. Hilarious.

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Next, I revisited Blue Canary`s creator Kathryn White. Kat did a great portrait of `Princess` Sadie last year, simply from a verbal description. This year, I couldn`t wait to see what she would do with the live wiener in tow. She decided to draw the both of us, with terrific results. If you look real close, Sadie is definitely smiling. Everybody say: `Awwwwwww!`

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Next (well, last) it was on to another returning from last year`s Cape, Andy Lee. Check out Andy`s fascinating story and unique style of painting by going here. I had to have the fabulous Mr. Lee give his rendition of my fairy photo, and as I expected it was---magnificent. Wow.

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All in all, a glowing success at Cape this year.

Ooh! Ooh! I almost forgot. The wife of one of these artists got inspired and decided to start a little side-business inspired by none other than the 1950s pinup! Her table was simply covered with blank books matted inside and out with Elvgren and Vargas prints. Incredible. Amazing. I bought Four. Yeah. Four. What am I going to do with them? I don`t know. But I lurrrrrrve them.

THEN - to top it all off, my mom came by to drop off a supply of Mary Kay. She has dragged my dad all over Canton`s First Monday, and she managed (somehow she always does) to pick me up something cool. This time, she managed to find a framed print of this 1930s Elvgren piece, backed with newspaper from 1933.

Okay, so it`s still propped up against the lamp on my night table because I have no idea where to hang it. Yeah. I can`t seem to make simply little decision like that lately. I know, I know. It looks like an art supply store threw up on my blog. But we did have a blast. And ::drumroll please:: I have decided on the pinup girl I will use if and when I get my tattoo. And the winner is:

Yeah, I`m not ready to show ya`ll that yet. ;)

April 26, 2007

T.O.W. I`m A Booth Babe

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Booth Babe (n.) – def.: term applied to attractive and/or sexy woman at a trade show or convention event mostly populated by technologically-advanced, albeit `socially-challenged`, men. Note that use of term is relative to attractiveness of attendees. Stereotype.

Chandler: That night was special for me, too. And not because I was in a bad place or anything. But just because-- well, you`re really hot.

Tonight I am gonna be a Booth Babe. Yep, going to some kind of technology trade show with my sweetie (who is quite the exception to the typical attendee, I might say). He bestowed `Booth Babe` on me today, in fact, after sending me an email about the convention which includes a free buffet dinner. Yep, he knows me. ::glances at ass in mirror and shakes head::

Not that I really mind. I`ll just go home, slip on jeans and a tube top (kidding!) and be his arm candy for the night. Not to mention we may be getting tres cheap new computers out of the whole deal. Can we say `Woo-hoo`?

But yeah. That`s me tonight. Booth Babe. Guess I better use my lunch hour to buff up a bit in the company gym. That is if my breasts don`t fall off from the few-too-many chest presses I did yesterday. Oops.