Less Traveled By Makes All The Difference

Rachel: Phoebe you can`t have both of them! You have to pick one!
Joey: Pick me!!
Ross: No! Pick me! I don`t want to end up an old maid!
Phoebe: All right well let`s see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boat. This is hard!

Well, the audition is over for Joseph. I went last night and DID hit the belted high E, though I was tentative throughout the song (having never auditioned with it before) and probably did not come across as charismatic as I would have liked. My other song, I Don`t Know How to Love Him from JCS, went well thought the pianist played it way too fast. I felt jittery and uneasy (most likely because I was late and I HATE being late), yet at the same time not really caring how I did. And it doesn`t help that whenever you announce you`re going to sing something from Wicked, everyone snaps to attention. It`s rather annoying. No pressure. Geez.

Anyhoo, The Arch Nemesis was there, as were so many, many Denton pals; as in half the casts of both Sweet Charity and La Mancha. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy when I walked in and literally 15 people ran up to say hi and hug me. And you what that did? It made me want to do another show there. ::snarl:: But I must keep my head on straight.

Why?

Well you see, ON THE WAY TO DENTON (I told you!), I received an email from the director in Grapevine. ::bangs head on desk:: Yeah. I have been offered the supporting lead role of Jack`s Mother in ITW. Sure, I`m a little disappointed but also am taking into account the director`s very obvious explanation of the nepotism involved (shocker). I also got a veiled `Pay your dues and reap the reward` kind of message from her email. Regardless, it`s still a great role; a show-stealer comic role if it`s played right and not bad considering I had one 10-minute singing audition.

But now I`m in a weird place. I have an offer for a smaller role; it`s a paid `professional` gig, new (and higher-level-of-talent) theatre, new people, one of my favorite shows. Then I have, at this point, just the possibility of a massive lead (unpaid) role in a familiar and comfortable place with people I know (both good and bad) with a director I`ve had to earn my reputation with show by show. The other issue is, if I make callbacks, they will be on Saturday, when I most likely be in Mason for my uncle`s funeral. And I haven`t decided whether to just take that as a sign, or to fight for it. . .meaning talk with the director and see what could be done. Bottom line?

I DON`T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO!!!

I`ve gotten great advice from the GTF, family, theatre pals whose opinions I value and trust. But I still don`t know. I just don`t. I do know that if the director decides to dual-cast the Narrator role, and I am cast along with a certain other person (The Arch Nemesis) then there`s my answer. I don`t have the time, patience, or energy for all that diva sh*t. I think I would end up, at Catpants has said before, setting the girl on fire. But otherwise? I feel like, if cast, I` d be passing up a great opportunity and (unjustly) pissing off a director whose feelings are easily hurt and would not understand me turning him down for a PAID GIG.

But what I really don`t want to happen is to be sitting in rehearsal for one show, wondering the whole time what the other one would`ve been like. Here comes the Regret Monster! And as much as I obsess about it, I can`t seem to create the proper hypotheticals in my brain so as to gauge such a reaction in either case. Wow, that was a nerdy-sounding sentence.

Anyway, I am very indecisive. I`m even indecisive about whether to go to the second night of auditions tonight or not. The director`s wife is having a baby and he won`t be there; but the producer, music director, and choreographer will be. Plus some people from last night, plus more friends and quite possibly The Arch Nemesis. Is showing my face there tonight going to be worth my time? Will it improve my chances? Do I even want to improve my chances? Will it make up for the fact that I can`t be there Saturday, or will it make it worse? Do you people even give a sh*t? :-)

What my body wants to do is go home, make spaghetti, watch So You Think You Can Dance, and have sex. You would think that would clear it up, wouldn`t you?

WRONG.